Transition.
Usually I like this word. Transition means that there is movement . . . that there is change happening. I'm an advocate of transition . . . of forward movement . . . of not becoming complacent . . . of always striving for ways to do things better. Many people are uncomfortable with transition; with change. Not me. I've always thrived on it - pushed for it. I love leading through change. I love the process of transforming something that's mediocre into something that's excellent. Whether it's my work, my home, my personal walk with Jesus, my physical health, my parenting . . . I'm always looking for ways to change, improve, tweek and make better. I'm not satisfied with the status quo. I abhor complacency.
Process.
I've never really liked this word, but have learned over time to appreciate it. It means that there are several steps to a solution, and these steps take time . . . usually LOTS of time. Here's my problem with process: I love figuring out what "the problem" is . . . and working to solve it, BUT when I discern a solution to the problem, I just want to fix it - change it - to make it better NOW. It's hard for me to take one step at a time.
I want to be like Vanilla Ice, "If there is a problem, Yo! I'll solve it!"
I find myself in a time of transition.
I'm NOT loving it.
I know. I know. I just got done telling you how I love transition and change . . . Notice, though, when you read above, I like transition when I'm in charge of it - when I'm leading it - when I'm in control.
God has me in a time of transition right now. He is teaching me that HE is in charge - HE's taking the lead - HE's in control.
I honestly thought that when I stepped down from my position at church God would instantly call me to "the next big thing" He had for me. I thought He would put me in a position where I would be fulfilled and edified, where I could use the gifts He gave to me to their fullest.
But, no.
I am a Stay At Home Mom.
My days consist of laundry, dusting, picking up after my girls, cleaning toilets, washing dishes, making lunches, picking up after my girls, running back and forth to school, volunteering in the library, doing recess duty, making beds, picking up after the girls, making dinner, more laundry, and constantly disciplining my two girls who are polar opposites from each other.
This is NOT what I had in mind.
I wanted to do something BIG for God. I wanted to find something that put the "spark" back in me . . . that tapped into the many passions that God has placed on my heart. I wanted to impact the kingdom.
I, like Isaiah (6:8) was saying, "Here I am, God. Send me!"
Many people are afraid to say that prayer, because they fear that God will send them to Africa or something. I was TOTALLY fine with that. Send me to Africa! Just give me something big . . . something that will impact many for Your kingdom!
God said no.
He said, "Be still and know that I am God".
He said, "Take time to find out who you really are . . . to see you the way I see you."
He said, "You don't have to do BIG things for me to love you. I love you no matter what. Be faithful to me, and I will bless you."
He said, "Rest! Rest in ME! You are empty, and I can fill you!"
He said, "You're so busy trying to do things for me . . . but, do you really KNOW me? Quit doing! Spend time with me! Get to know me!"
He said, "I love you . . . just. the. way. you. are. You don't have to DO for me to love you . . . you just have to BE!"
BE STILL
AND KNOW
THAT I AM GOD!
My love language is acts of service. It's very hard for me to sit still. I have always found my worth and my fulfillment in the things I do. God is teaching me that my worth and my fulfillment must come from Him, and Him alone.
Like Zechariah, I have been silenced for a time (Luke 1:20). And God is using this time of silence to teach me to trust - to teach me to desire Him above all else - to teach me to draw near to Him - to teach me humility and draw out my pride.
This time of transition is very hard for me - very humbling . . . sometimes boring! But, I know that God is using this time to grow me in ways that He wouldn't be able to if I were busy DOING something. I know that this is a process. This isn't going to be fast. This isn't meant to be easy. There are many steps that God wants me to take before He provides "the next thing" for me to DO. In the meantime, I must be faithful. I don't want to miss the great gifts that God has for me during this time of process and transition.
