The C word . . . Cancer.
You just hear that word and the next thought is . . . death. Cancer = Death.
I had a day or so where all I could think about was losing my husband . . . plus I was trying to recoop from my own surgery. Those were long, scary days.
But, they didn't last long . . . cuz instead of becoming paralyzed by fear, we dove into researching everything we could find out about synovial sarcoma. It was a very rare kind of cancer that usually happens in the 2nd or 5th decades of life (20's or 50's), it usually occurs in a joint area and it was known to be slow-growing.
Mike's was in the soft tissue of his leg - which is rare for this kind of cancer, but thankfully, it was near a nerve which caused him pain. This is why he had the strange lump removed in the first place. He had experienced pain in his leg for almost 2 years before he went in to have it checked out.
Note to self: when experiencing strange pain of any kind . . . get it checked out!
We were grateful to find two sarcoma specialists in the USA . . . one of which was located in Ann Arbor - just over 2 hours away. We met with the specialist that very week, and she determined a second surgery would be necessary.
You see, the first surgery was just a "quick a second - get this weird lump out" surgery with an incision about 2 inches long. The doc who did the initial surgery did some tests on the lump which came back "inconclusive". Because of that, he sent it to Mayo Clinic, who determined it to be cancer.
Because the first surgery was done not knowing the lump was cancer, a second surgery was necessary to get "clean margins". All tissue around the original incision, where bruising or bleeding happened needed to be removed to get rid of any risk of the cancer spreading. He also had to have several x-rays done of his chest area to make sure that the cancer hadn't spread to his lungs (since it spreads via the blood stream).
His surgery was scheduled for October 24, 2000 - Mike's 27th birthday. What a birthday present, huh?
Before I tell you about the surgery part . . . let me tell you about the most amazing part of this part of the journey . . .
Every week on Wednesday nights, we would meet with a close-knit group of friends from church to pray, sing and do Bible study. Well, the Wednesday before Mike's surgery, the entire time was spent praying over Mike and me, and praying for the surgeon and nurses etc. Everyone in the group that night laid their hands on Michael. Everyone was weeping and praying for a miracle of healing . . . when it happened . . .
Mike didn't tell me until later that night . . . he was afraid it would sound crazy or hokey . . . but when our friends were praying for Mike, he felt warmth surge through his leg. It still gives me the chills to even type those words. We didn't know it then, but the Lord's healing hand had touched Mike, and all cancer cells were GONE!
Fast forward to surgery day.
It was a scary day, but we were filled with the peace that passes all understanding. Dr. Bierman removed a grapefruit-sized chunk of Mike's left thigh. They were planning on having to do skin grafts in order to repair Mike's leg, but in another miraculous way, God worked it so that wasn't necessary. It took a few days for Mike to recover, and to get the test results back, but when we did, we were wildly and wonderfully surprised. Dr. Bierman was fully expecting to find residual cancer pockets in the tissue she took out . . . but she couldn't find ANY! She was so stunned by this, that she had the tissue cut into microscopic pieces to look for cancer cells . . . but not a cancerous cell was found! She said this was unheard of! She also told us that there was no need for Mike to have either chemo or radiation! Yet another miracle!
We know without a shadow of a doubt that God healed Mike that night at church. The powerful prayers of God's people were heard and answered in a strong and mighty way!
It took almost a month for Mike to heal to the point that he could walk with out a wheelchair or cane. He had over 60 staples holding his leg together. He likes to tell people that the scar on his leg is from a shark attack or a chain saw juggling accident. He says those stories much more dramatic and interesting than cancer!
This last October 24th marked 8 years of a cancer-free husband. His birthday in 2000 was kind of a "re-birth" for him. Every cancer-free year is a tremendous gift, and a tremendous reason to celebrate God's amazing miracle in our lives.
We will never forget what God did for us that night in the upper room of church. We will marvel in it and tell others about it as long as God chooses to give us breath!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
The Journey - Part 3
I would say that 1995-1998 were "The Happy Years." If ignorance to the world's problems is bliss . . . we were happy as clams!
We had a lot of fun starting our grown up jobs - Mike as a fork lift guy - me as a 4th grade teacher. We bought our first house and spent all of our free time painting, tearing down walls and building new ones, putting in carpet, siding, roofing. And since we were DINKs (double income no kids) we could actually afford to buy furniture that wasn't made up of cinder blocks. It was a blast! We even added to our family my first year of teaching by getting a black lab puppy. She was abandoned on the playground where I taught . . . we fell in love with the little 8lb ball of fur and ended up keeping her.
We spent our days working, our nights going for walks. Life was good. We were in a rhythm.
Then one day, about three years in to our marriage we got the surprise of our lives. We were pregnant! I laugh at it now . . . but we actually WEREN'T trying. It was, dare I say, an "accident." We weren't expecting it . . . but we had been married for three years, and if God felt it was time for us to be parents, we were ready to accept the challenge.
We were thrilled! And since both of us stink at keeping secrets, we decided to tell our parents when we were about 8 weeks pregnant.
The night I told my mom, I started spotting . . .
The next morning we went to the emergency room, and found out that we had lost the baby.
The day after that was Father's Day.
Thus we began what would become our greatest challenge of our marriage - INFERTILITY.
Even though the pregnancy was unplanned, we were absolutely devastated when it ended the way it did. About two months later, after many tears, we decided that we were indeed ready to start a family. The loss of that little one sealed the deal. We were meant to be parents, and we didn't want to wait any longer.
So we tried . . . and tried . . . and tried. Believe me people - we were doing the work! But to no avail! Each month brought with it hope followed by disappointment. Finally after a year, we decided to seek out a fertility specialist. A friend of mine from high school was dealing with her own infertility issues and highly recommended Dr. William Dodds. He was local. He was the best in the state (and arguably the nation). And, most importantly, he was a Christian.
We went through test after test to determine what was wrong. But other than "hostile mucus" (I know, gross!) they couldn't come up with any problems. We tried Clomid - but I got so many cysts I could never even have a procedure done. We tried several rounds of IUI (intrauterine insemination), but, again experienced month after month of hope followed by disappointment. Finally, Dr. Dodds decided in the fall of 2000, that I should have surgery to explore the possibility of endometriosis. He determined from the laparoscopy surgery that I had level 3 endometriosis (out of 4). Thankfully he was able to clear it all out, and gave us good hope for conception.
Then it really hit the fan. The day after my surgery, we found out that Mike had CANCER. Honestly, wasn't infertility enough? Now cancer? We had just received hope to conceive a child . . . and now CANCER? And to add insult to injury, the cancer was in Mike's upper thigh. This meant that his fertility could be compromised if he needed radiation or chemo . . .
When it rains, it pours.
We had a lot of fun starting our grown up jobs - Mike as a fork lift guy - me as a 4th grade teacher. We bought our first house and spent all of our free time painting, tearing down walls and building new ones, putting in carpet, siding, roofing. And since we were DINKs (double income no kids) we could actually afford to buy furniture that wasn't made up of cinder blocks. It was a blast! We even added to our family my first year of teaching by getting a black lab puppy. She was abandoned on the playground where I taught . . . we fell in love with the little 8lb ball of fur and ended up keeping her.
We spent our days working, our nights going for walks. Life was good. We were in a rhythm.
Then one day, about three years in to our marriage we got the surprise of our lives. We were pregnant! I laugh at it now . . . but we actually WEREN'T trying. It was, dare I say, an "accident." We weren't expecting it . . . but we had been married for three years, and if God felt it was time for us to be parents, we were ready to accept the challenge.
We were thrilled! And since both of us stink at keeping secrets, we decided to tell our parents when we were about 8 weeks pregnant.
The night I told my mom, I started spotting . . .
The next morning we went to the emergency room, and found out that we had lost the baby.
The day after that was Father's Day.
Thus we began what would become our greatest challenge of our marriage - INFERTILITY.
Even though the pregnancy was unplanned, we were absolutely devastated when it ended the way it did. About two months later, after many tears, we decided that we were indeed ready to start a family. The loss of that little one sealed the deal. We were meant to be parents, and we didn't want to wait any longer.
So we tried . . . and tried . . . and tried. Believe me people - we were doing the work! But to no avail! Each month brought with it hope followed by disappointment. Finally after a year, we decided to seek out a fertility specialist. A friend of mine from high school was dealing with her own infertility issues and highly recommended Dr. William Dodds. He was local. He was the best in the state (and arguably the nation). And, most importantly, he was a Christian.
We went through test after test to determine what was wrong. But other than "hostile mucus" (I know, gross!) they couldn't come up with any problems. We tried Clomid - but I got so many cysts I could never even have a procedure done. We tried several rounds of IUI (intrauterine insemination), but, again experienced month after month of hope followed by disappointment. Finally, Dr. Dodds decided in the fall of 2000, that I should have surgery to explore the possibility of endometriosis. He determined from the laparoscopy surgery that I had level 3 endometriosis (out of 4). Thankfully he was able to clear it all out, and gave us good hope for conception.
Then it really hit the fan. The day after my surgery, we found out that Mike had CANCER. Honestly, wasn't infertility enough? Now cancer? We had just received hope to conceive a child . . . and now CANCER? And to add insult to injury, the cancer was in Mike's upper thigh. This meant that his fertility could be compromised if he needed radiation or chemo . . .
When it rains, it pours.
The Bonus of NOT Sleeping . . .
. . . is that you don't have to wash your hair, cuz you wake up looking just like you did when you went to sleep!
The Journey - Part 2
It's 4:25 in the morning . . . and once again my thoughts have taken sleep from me.
I figured instead of laying in bed wide awake, I would write down some of the thoughts . . . maybe then I can rest.
I left you last having spoken of the first word that began to define my bumpy journey - DIVORCE.
Part 2 will be called - LOVE.
My Dad left when I was a sophomore in high school . . . but just at that time God brought a ray of light into my life, and his name was Mike.
We started out as friends . . . the way it should start, if you ask me. We were "nerds" in that we loved music. We were in band, choir and Madrigals together - oh, and in a study hall together - which meant our paths crossed often. I was dating someone else (a wonderful guy, by the way), but I found myself hanging out with Mike regularly while at school. We had so much fun together that one of our teachers actually thought we were dating!
Mike was an amazing friend. During a tremendously dark time in my life - when lots of bitterness, anger, sadness and confusion were regular parts of my day - he made me laugh!
He made me laugh. He made me laugh at a time that smiles didn't come easily. At the same time, though, I knew he truly cared for me, and he hurt with me as I hurt. He always asked how I was doing and was quick to give me a hug. He gave the best hugs EVER (and still does, by the way). We started talking more and more . . . writing notes . . . it got to the point where I was finding myself seeking him out in the hallways at break and lunch. I was thinking about him when I wasn't at school. It didn't take long for me to figure out that I was having feelings for him.
This was confusing to me, because I was dating a wonderful guy. A guy who was respectful and loving . . . who truly cared about me . . . the first guy I dated who made me feel that I was worth something because of who I was, not what I looked like. I had it all in the dating department . . . but my heart was leading me to Mike.
At one point, on a Madrigal tour where we stayed overnight in a hotel, Mike called from his hotel room to mine. We ended up chatting for about 3 hours, and during that time he confessed that he had feelings for me. Wow. So the feeling was mutual. Now what?
Long story short - I broke up with the wonderful guy - and started dating my soulmate. I know that term is kind of cheesy. But it is oh-so-true. I knew from the moment we had our first strawberry shake at Russ' that I had never felt this way about anyone. I was 16. He was 17. We both knew from the beginning that God had brought us together.
We dated through my senior year of high school and all of college and were married a week after Mike graduated from Calvin.
Everyday since, I have fallen deeper and deeper in love with this man - my gift - God's provision. He is my "home" - my comfort - my security - my gift.
When we said our vows on that beautiful May evening, we had no idea what they were going to come to mean. When you say, "For richer, for poorer . . . in sickness and in health . . . for better, for worse . . . til death do us part" do you really have the capacity or ability to understand what that could come to mean? I think, even if we did get it, we still would have gotten married . . . but we may have hesitated for a minute or two.
You just never know what life is going to throw your way . . .
Like I said . . . I felt I had checked off my crappy thing in life . . . I had no idea that I could experience a greater heartbreak than DIVORCE.
Thankfully, God had provided me with the perfect partner with which to face tremendous valleys (and great mountains). Mike has been, and continues to be "a rock" for me. I may question God . . . I may be angry toward him . . . but I can't deny the amazing gift he gave me in Mike. For that I thank him.
I figured instead of laying in bed wide awake, I would write down some of the thoughts . . . maybe then I can rest.
I left you last having spoken of the first word that began to define my bumpy journey - DIVORCE.
Part 2 will be called - LOVE.
My Dad left when I was a sophomore in high school . . . but just at that time God brought a ray of light into my life, and his name was Mike.
We started out as friends . . . the way it should start, if you ask me. We were "nerds" in that we loved music. We were in band, choir and Madrigals together - oh, and in a study hall together - which meant our paths crossed often. I was dating someone else (a wonderful guy, by the way), but I found myself hanging out with Mike regularly while at school. We had so much fun together that one of our teachers actually thought we were dating!
Mike was an amazing friend. During a tremendously dark time in my life - when lots of bitterness, anger, sadness and confusion were regular parts of my day - he made me laugh!
He made me laugh. He made me laugh at a time that smiles didn't come easily. At the same time, though, I knew he truly cared for me, and he hurt with me as I hurt. He always asked how I was doing and was quick to give me a hug. He gave the best hugs EVER (and still does, by the way). We started talking more and more . . . writing notes . . . it got to the point where I was finding myself seeking him out in the hallways at break and lunch. I was thinking about him when I wasn't at school. It didn't take long for me to figure out that I was having feelings for him.
This was confusing to me, because I was dating a wonderful guy. A guy who was respectful and loving . . . who truly cared about me . . . the first guy I dated who made me feel that I was worth something because of who I was, not what I looked like. I had it all in the dating department . . . but my heart was leading me to Mike.
At one point, on a Madrigal tour where we stayed overnight in a hotel, Mike called from his hotel room to mine. We ended up chatting for about 3 hours, and during that time he confessed that he had feelings for me. Wow. So the feeling was mutual. Now what?
Long story short - I broke up with the wonderful guy - and started dating my soulmate. I know that term is kind of cheesy. But it is oh-so-true. I knew from the moment we had our first strawberry shake at Russ' that I had never felt this way about anyone. I was 16. He was 17. We both knew from the beginning that God had brought us together.
We dated through my senior year of high school and all of college and were married a week after Mike graduated from Calvin.
Everyday since, I have fallen deeper and deeper in love with this man - my gift - God's provision. He is my "home" - my comfort - my security - my gift.
When we said our vows on that beautiful May evening, we had no idea what they were going to come to mean. When you say, "For richer, for poorer . . . in sickness and in health . . . for better, for worse . . . til death do us part" do you really have the capacity or ability to understand what that could come to mean? I think, even if we did get it, we still would have gotten married . . . but we may have hesitated for a minute or two.
You just never know what life is going to throw your way . . .
Like I said . . . I felt I had checked off my crappy thing in life . . . I had no idea that I could experience a greater heartbreak than DIVORCE.
Thankfully, God had provided me with the perfect partner with which to face tremendous valleys (and great mountains). Mike has been, and continues to be "a rock" for me. I may question God . . . I may be angry toward him . . . but I can't deny the amazing gift he gave me in Mike. For that I thank him.
Monday, December 15, 2008
The Journey - Part 1
You've heard it said that life is a journey. There are twists and turns, ups and downs, mountains and valleys.
Some people seem to have flawless journeys - no bumps, just a smooth trip. Others seem to have one challenge after then next. Why is that?
Well, life has been quite the journey for me. Childhood was a smooth ride. Oh there was sibling rivalry and the crazy days of middle school and puberty . . . but a smooth ride none-the-less.
Then came high school and all the "stuff" that comes with that: wondering if you'll ever fit in, struggling with self-esteem, dealing with boys and friends, getting cut from the volleyball team . . . ya know . . . the regular crap.
Then the journey took a turn.
DIVORCE
Something I never thought in a million years I'd ever have to worry about.
The long separation (two and a half years) and eventual divorce of my parents was "worst case scenario" in my book. It's hard enough to make it through the teenage years alive when things are GOOD . . . but when your home life is in complete shambles, it complicates EVERYTHING!
I lived in a back and forth world of praying to God for the repentance and salvation of my father . . . to questioning God for allowing my life to be torn apart. Unfortunately, I opted to be angry and bitter for a long while . . .
Then God worked in my heart through a Young Life meeting - and a man known as FLASH - to bring me to the realization that God loved me SO MUCH, that if I were the only person on earth, he STILL would have given his son, Jesus, as a sacrifice for me.
From that night forward, I decided to recommit myself to THE ONE who gave his Son for me. I decided to give up being bitter, and try to use this awful experience in my life to relate with and touch other people. There were certainly tough days in dealing with the emotional, and relational "fall out" from the divorce, but I certainly felt God's Grace in it . . . and actually got to the point where I could THANK God for the experience! Because of my own experience with divorce, I was able to relate with the kids that I eventually taught - most of whom came from broken families.
I'm still at the point where I can thank God for that experience. Don't get me wrong. There's still hurt. There's still times that grieve what should have been. But God still uses that experience in my life to minister to other people.
God, through his grace, chose to redeem a situation that I truly believed NO GOOD could come from. I can see clearly now, how God has used this situation "for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
I also kind of thought (foolishly), that I could check off the one "awful experience of life". Everyone gets one, right? Now I can check that off and move on with life, knowing that my "one thing" was done with . . .
. . . that would have been nice . . .
Some people seem to have flawless journeys - no bumps, just a smooth trip. Others seem to have one challenge after then next. Why is that?
Well, life has been quite the journey for me. Childhood was a smooth ride. Oh there was sibling rivalry and the crazy days of middle school and puberty . . . but a smooth ride none-the-less.
Then came high school and all the "stuff" that comes with that: wondering if you'll ever fit in, struggling with self-esteem, dealing with boys and friends, getting cut from the volleyball team . . . ya know . . . the regular crap.
Then the journey took a turn.
DIVORCE
Something I never thought in a million years I'd ever have to worry about.
The long separation (two and a half years) and eventual divorce of my parents was "worst case scenario" in my book. It's hard enough to make it through the teenage years alive when things are GOOD . . . but when your home life is in complete shambles, it complicates EVERYTHING!
I lived in a back and forth world of praying to God for the repentance and salvation of my father . . . to questioning God for allowing my life to be torn apart. Unfortunately, I opted to be angry and bitter for a long while . . .
Then God worked in my heart through a Young Life meeting - and a man known as FLASH - to bring me to the realization that God loved me SO MUCH, that if I were the only person on earth, he STILL would have given his son, Jesus, as a sacrifice for me.
From that night forward, I decided to recommit myself to THE ONE who gave his Son for me. I decided to give up being bitter, and try to use this awful experience in my life to relate with and touch other people. There were certainly tough days in dealing with the emotional, and relational "fall out" from the divorce, but I certainly felt God's Grace in it . . . and actually got to the point where I could THANK God for the experience! Because of my own experience with divorce, I was able to relate with the kids that I eventually taught - most of whom came from broken families.
I'm still at the point where I can thank God for that experience. Don't get me wrong. There's still hurt. There's still times that grieve what should have been. But God still uses that experience in my life to minister to other people.
God, through his grace, chose to redeem a situation that I truly believed NO GOOD could come from. I can see clearly now, how God has used this situation "for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
I also kind of thought (foolishly), that I could check off the one "awful experience of life". Everyone gets one, right? Now I can check that off and move on with life, knowing that my "one thing" was done with . . .
. . . that would have been nice . . .
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