The Journey - Part 4

The C word . . . Cancer.

You just hear that word and the next thought is . . . death. Cancer = Death.

I had a day or so where all I could think about was losing my husband . . . plus I was trying to recoop from my own surgery. Those were long, scary days.

But, they didn't last long . . . cuz instead of becoming paralyzed by fear, we dove into researching everything we could find out about synovial sarcoma. It was a very rare kind of cancer that usually happens in the 2nd or 5th decades of life (20's or 50's), it usually occurs in a joint area and it was known to be slow-growing.

Mike's was in the soft tissue of his leg - which is rare for this kind of cancer, but thankfully, it was near a nerve which caused him pain. This is why he had the strange lump removed in the first place. He had experienced pain in his leg for almost 2 years before he went in to have it checked out.

Note to self: when experiencing strange pain of any kind . . . get it checked out!

We were grateful to find two sarcoma specialists in the USA . . . one of which was located in Ann Arbor - just over 2 hours away. We met with the specialist that very week, and she determined a second surgery would be necessary.

You see, the first surgery was just a "quick a second - get this weird lump out" surgery with an incision about 2 inches long. The doc who did the initial surgery did some tests on the lump which came back "inconclusive". Because of that, he sent it to Mayo Clinic, who determined it to be cancer.

Because the first surgery was done not knowing the lump was cancer, a second surgery was necessary to get "clean margins". All tissue around the original incision, where bruising or bleeding happened needed to be removed to get rid of any risk of the cancer spreading. He also had to have several x-rays done of his chest area to make sure that the cancer hadn't spread to his lungs (since it spreads via the blood stream).

His surgery was scheduled for October 24, 2000 - Mike's 27th birthday. What a birthday present, huh?

Before I tell you about the surgery part . . . let me tell you about the most amazing part of this part of the journey . . .

Every week on Wednesday nights, we would meet with a close-knit group of friends from church to pray, sing and do Bible study. Well, the Wednesday before Mike's surgery, the entire time was spent praying over Mike and me, and praying for the surgeon and nurses etc. Everyone in the group that night laid their hands on Michael. Everyone was weeping and praying for a miracle of healing . . . when it happened . . .

Mike didn't tell me until later that night . . . he was afraid it would sound crazy or hokey . . . but when our friends were praying for Mike, he felt warmth surge through his leg. It still gives me the chills to even type those words. We didn't know it then, but the Lord's healing hand had touched Mike, and all cancer cells were GONE!

Fast forward to surgery day.

It was a scary day, but we were filled with the peace that passes all understanding. Dr. Bierman removed a grapefruit-sized chunk of Mike's left thigh. They were planning on having to do skin grafts in order to repair Mike's leg, but in another miraculous way, God worked it so that wasn't necessary. It took a few days for Mike to recover, and to get the test results back, but when we did, we were wildly and wonderfully surprised. Dr. Bierman was fully expecting to find residual cancer pockets in the tissue she took out . . . but she couldn't find ANY! She was so stunned by this, that she had the tissue cut into microscopic pieces to look for cancer cells . . . but not a cancerous cell was found! She said this was unheard of! She also told us that there was no need for Mike to have either chemo or radiation! Yet another miracle!

We know without a shadow of a doubt that God healed Mike that night at church. The powerful prayers of God's people were heard and answered in a strong and mighty way!

It took almost a month for Mike to heal to the point that he could walk with out a wheelchair or cane. He had over 60 staples holding his leg together. He likes to tell people that the scar on his leg is from a shark attack or a chain saw juggling accident. He says those stories much more dramatic and interesting than cancer!

This last October 24th marked 8 years of a cancer-free husband. His birthday in 2000 was kind of a "re-birth" for him. Every cancer-free year is a tremendous gift, and a tremendous reason to celebrate God's amazing miracle in our lives.

We will never forget what God did for us that night in the upper room of church. We will marvel in it and tell others about it as long as God chooses to give us breath!

The Journey - Part 3

I would say that 1995-1998 were "The Happy Years." If ignorance to the world's problems is bliss . . . we were happy as clams!

We had a lot of fun starting our grown up jobs - Mike as a fork lift guy - me as a 4th grade teacher. We bought our first house and spent all of our free time painting, tearing down walls and building new ones, putting in carpet, siding, roofing. And since we were DINKs (double income no kids) we could actually afford to buy furniture that wasn't made up of cinder blocks. It was a blast! We even added to our family my first year of teaching by getting a black lab puppy. She was abandoned on the playground where I taught . . . we fell in love with the little 8lb ball of fur and ended up keeping her.

We spent our days working, our nights going for walks. Life was good. We were in a rhythm.

Then one day, about three years in to our marriage we got the surprise of our lives. We were pregnant! I laugh at it now . . . but we actually WEREN'T trying. It was, dare I say, an "accident." We weren't expecting it . . . but we had been married for three years, and if God felt it was time for us to be parents, we were ready to accept the challenge.

We were thrilled! And since both of us stink at keeping secrets, we decided to tell our parents when we were about 8 weeks pregnant.

The night I told my mom, I started spotting . . .

The next morning we went to the emergency room, and found out that we had lost the baby.

The day after that was Father's Day.

Thus we began what would become our greatest challenge of our marriage - INFERTILITY.

Even though the pregnancy was unplanned, we were absolutely devastated when it ended the way it did. About two months later, after many tears, we decided that we were indeed ready to start a family. The loss of that little one sealed the deal. We were meant to be parents, and we didn't want to wait any longer.

So we tried . . . and tried . . . and tried. Believe me people - we were doing the work! But to no avail! Each month brought with it hope followed by disappointment. Finally after a year, we decided to seek out a fertility specialist. A friend of mine from high school was dealing with her own infertility issues and highly recommended Dr. William Dodds. He was local. He was the best in the state (and arguably the nation). And, most importantly, he was a Christian.

We went through test after test to determine what was wrong. But other than "hostile mucus" (I know, gross!) they couldn't come up with any problems. We tried Clomid - but I got so many cysts I could never even have a procedure done. We tried several rounds of IUI (intrauterine insemination), but, again experienced month after month of hope followed by disappointment. Finally, Dr. Dodds decided in the fall of 2000, that I should have surgery to explore the possibility of endometriosis. He determined from the laparoscopy surgery that I had level 3 endometriosis (out of 4). Thankfully he was able to clear it all out, and gave us good hope for conception.

Then it really hit the fan. The day after my surgery, we found out that Mike had CANCER. Honestly, wasn't infertility enough? Now cancer? We had just received hope to conceive a child . . . and now CANCER? And to add insult to injury, the cancer was in Mike's upper thigh. This meant that his fertility could be compromised if he needed radiation or chemo . . .

When it rains, it pours.

The Bonus of NOT Sleeping . . .

. . . is that you don't have to wash your hair, cuz you wake up looking just like you did when you went to sleep!

The Journey - Part 2

It's 4:25 in the morning . . . and once again my thoughts have taken sleep from me.

I figured instead of laying in bed wide awake, I would write down some of the thoughts . . . maybe then I can rest.

I left you last having spoken of the first word that began to define my bumpy journey - DIVORCE.

Part 2 will be called - LOVE.

My Dad left when I was a sophomore in high school . . . but just at that time God brought a ray of light into my life, and his name was Mike.

We started out as friends . . . the way it should start, if you ask me. We were "nerds" in that we loved music. We were in band, choir and Madrigals together - oh, and in a study hall together - which meant our paths crossed often. I was dating someone else (a wonderful guy, by the way), but I found myself hanging out with Mike regularly while at school. We had so much fun together that one of our teachers actually thought we were dating!

Mike was an amazing friend. During a tremendously dark time in my life - when lots of bitterness, anger, sadness and confusion were regular parts of my day - he made me laugh!

He made me laugh. He made me laugh at a time that smiles didn't come easily. At the same time, though, I knew he truly cared for me, and he hurt with me as I hurt. He always asked how I was doing and was quick to give me a hug. He gave the best hugs EVER (and still does, by the way). We started talking more and more . . . writing notes . . . it got to the point where I was finding myself seeking him out in the hallways at break and lunch. I was thinking about him when I wasn't at school. It didn't take long for me to figure out that I was having feelings for him.

This was confusing to me, because I was dating a wonderful guy. A guy who was respectful and loving . . . who truly cared about me . . . the first guy I dated who made me feel that I was worth something because of who I was, not what I looked like. I had it all in the dating department . . . but my heart was leading me to Mike.

At one point, on a Madrigal tour where we stayed overnight in a hotel, Mike called from his hotel room to mine. We ended up chatting for about 3 hours, and during that time he confessed that he had feelings for me. Wow. So the feeling was mutual. Now what?

Long story short - I broke up with the wonderful guy - and started dating my soulmate. I know that term is kind of cheesy. But it is oh-so-true. I knew from the moment we had our first strawberry shake at Russ' that I had never felt this way about anyone. I was 16. He was 17. We both knew from the beginning that God had brought us together.

We dated through my senior year of high school and all of college and were married a week after Mike graduated from Calvin.

Everyday since, I have fallen deeper and deeper in love with this man - my gift - God's provision. He is my "home" - my comfort - my security - my gift.

When we said our vows on that beautiful May evening, we had no idea what they were going to come to mean. When you say, "For richer, for poorer . . . in sickness and in health . . . for better, for worse . . . til death do us part" do you really have the capacity or ability to understand what that could come to mean? I think, even if we did get it, we still would have gotten married . . . but we may have hesitated for a minute or two.

You just never know what life is going to throw your way . . .

Like I said . . . I felt I had checked off my crappy thing in life . . . I had no idea that I could experience a greater heartbreak than DIVORCE.

Thankfully, God had provided me with the perfect partner with which to face tremendous valleys (and great mountains). Mike has been, and continues to be "a rock" for me. I may question God . . . I may be angry toward him . . . but I can't deny the amazing gift he gave me in Mike. For that I thank him.

The Journey - Part 1

You've heard it said that life is a journey. There are twists and turns, ups and downs, mountains and valleys.

Some people seem to have flawless journeys - no bumps, just a smooth trip. Others seem to have one challenge after then next. Why is that?

Well, life has been quite the journey for me. Childhood was a smooth ride. Oh there was sibling rivalry and the crazy days of middle school and puberty . . . but a smooth ride none-the-less.

Then came high school and all the "stuff" that comes with that: wondering if you'll ever fit in, struggling with self-esteem, dealing with boys and friends, getting cut from the volleyball team . . . ya know . . . the regular crap.

Then the journey took a turn.

DIVORCE

Something I never thought in a million years I'd ever have to worry about.

The long separation (two and a half years) and eventual divorce of my parents was "worst case scenario" in my book. It's hard enough to make it through the teenage years alive when things are GOOD . . . but when your home life is in complete shambles, it complicates EVERYTHING!

I lived in a back and forth world of praying to God for the repentance and salvation of my father . . . to questioning God for allowing my life to be torn apart. Unfortunately, I opted to be angry and bitter for a long while . . .

Then God worked in my heart through a Young Life meeting - and a man known as FLASH - to bring me to the realization that God loved me SO MUCH, that if I were the only person on earth, he STILL would have given his son, Jesus, as a sacrifice for me.

From that night forward, I decided to recommit myself to THE ONE who gave his Son for me. I decided to give up being bitter, and try to use this awful experience in my life to relate with and touch other people. There were certainly tough days in dealing with the emotional, and relational "fall out" from the divorce, but I certainly felt God's Grace in it . . . and actually got to the point where I could THANK God for the experience! Because of my own experience with divorce, I was able to relate with the kids that I eventually taught - most of whom came from broken families.

I'm still at the point where I can thank God for that experience. Don't get me wrong. There's still hurt. There's still times that grieve what should have been. But God still uses that experience in my life to minister to other people.

God, through his grace, chose to redeem a situation that I truly believed NO GOOD could come from. I can see clearly now, how God has used this situation "for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

I also kind of thought (foolishly), that I could check off the one "awful experience of life". Everyone gets one, right? Now I can check that off and move on with life, knowing that my "one thing" was done with . . .

. . . that would have been nice . . .

My Thoughts Exactly . . .

I've been mulling over what to say, or how to put my thoughts into words in regards to this election . . . but someone else said pretty much what I've been thinking. Click here to read.

Vote!

Pay it Forward!

I've had one of those weeks . . .

Nothing particularly terrible - in fact, the last month has registered many a terrible work days. Computer issues, printer issues, copy machine malfunction, and recruiting (which registers as a four letter word to me) have left me frustrated.

This week wasn't like that . . . it was just . . . blah.

Ministry can be a tough "business" to work in. Don't get me wrong, the highs in ministry are AMAZING! The wins in ministry mean that eternity is being impacted in a positive way. NOTHING beats that! But the lows and lulls in ministry can make you question your calling.

And then . . .

out of nowhere, two notes of encouragement from two completely random people from the congregation show up in my mailbox! When I say random, I just mean that they weren't from the people (like my mom or staff members) who somewhat-regularly encourage me. They weren't from close friends. They were from two wonderful, thoughtful women that I don't even know very well.

Wow! Just when I was feeling blah . . . God knew I needed a little lift. He worked through two different people to give me encouragement when I REALLY needed it.

This was a good reminder for me. How many times do I THINK encouraging things about or toward someone, but do nothing about it. I'll be writing a few notes of encouragement this week because I need to "pay it forward".



Let this be your challenge too! Who can you encourage this week? It's amazing what a little encouragement does for the soul!

Proud Mama

I just have to take a moment to tell everyone how proud I am of my little 1st grader, Faith.




She's only been in 1st grade for a month now, but she has come SO far. She's reading beautifully, she's writing all the time and really doing well at sounding out words. She's correcting sentences using capital letters and punctuation, and she's even done some alphabetical order stuff. When I taught fourth grade back in the day, I had kids that couldn't do what she's doing - literally!

I stand amazed at how God created us. I'm amazed at Faith's little brain that is learning and filling up with information every day (if not every hour). I'm in awe of how a little one can start to make sense of these squiggly lines we call letters and numbers . . . that they can apply meaning to each of them and use them correctly at the ripe old age of 6!




I'm delighted to see how far my little girl has come - academically, socially, emotionally and spiritually. I pray for all of these areas . . . and have seen God's faithfulness in answering them.

I really have been loving the conversations we have each night as I tuck her in too! Since we're apart for most of the day now, she has much to get me caught up on. I hear all about her friends, and the "naughty kids" . . . about her random acts of kindness on the playground like playing with a special needs Kindergartener. I've gathered, through her stories, that she LOVES school, has a social conscience AND a real heart of compassion and the desire to help others.

The things I hear about most are recess, Gym and Music. Occasionally Spanish and Art get thrown into the mix, but recess, Gym and Music are the faves.




Last night she was telling me all about the jump roping games the girls at school play. She LOVES watching the "big girls" and absorbing absolutely everything she can about what they do and how they do it. She told me about her favorite rhymes:

Cinderella dressed in yella
Went upstairs to kiss a fella
On accident she kissed a snake
How many doctors did it take?
ah1, ah2 ah3 etc.

OR

Down by the river where the green grass grows
There stood (insert girl's name) sweet as a rose.
Along came (insert boy's name) and kissed her on the cheek
How many kisses did she get that week?
ah1 ah2 ah3 etc.

She said the girls sometimes pick the names of boys they DON'T like and then scream. It's so fun to hear about her days!

I told her jump rope used to be my favorite thing to do at recess. My favorite rhyme was:

Not last night, but the night before
24 robbers came knockin' at my door.
When I ran out . . . . . .
They ran in, and this is what they said:
Chinese jumpers do the kicks, the kicks, the kicks
Chinese jumpers do the splits, the splits, the splits
Chinese jumpers turn all around, around, around
Chinese jumpers touch the ground, the ground, the ground
Chinese jumpers get outta town!

Anyone remember that one? Chatting with Faith has brought back a lot of fun childhood memories!

I'm so glad that Faith is enjoying school, that she has lots of friends and, most of all, that she has a kind and compassionate heart. School isn't always such a happy experience (Jr. High anyone?), so I'm glad that she's enjoying it for now. Faith has made her mama and daddy very proud.

Oh, and if you're interested in what Faith is up to, feel free to visit HER blog: www.thaifsthoughts.blogspot.com. I thought it would be a fun way for her to document her days and practice her writing and reading. So far, she's loving it. She's already posted twice.

How Big of a Slacker am I?

REALLY Big - that's how big!

I can't believe another month has gone by with nary a blog-post! Even my faint attempts at TRYING to get caught up didn't come to much! I don't think I even got to Faith's birthday which is June 28!

I'm such a loser!

Well let me see if I can get ya'll caught up (that is if there still is a ya'll out there interested in this dead blog).

Summer was awesome. We spent lots of time outside enjoying the sun and water! We played at the cottage, went to the big lake, had pool parties with friends, went to Fredrick Meijer Gardens, sprinkler parks and much much more! It was one of the most fun and relaxing summers I can remember! The girls are at such nice ages (6 & 3). They're independent enough that I don't have to watch them quite as closely AND I'm not lugging around diapers and all the things that go with those!

I'm really grateful for some much-needed rest and recuperation time. I needed it after Sports Camp . . . and before the chaos of planning for the fall.

That's what happened to the last month of bloglessness . . . fall planning, scheduling, meeting, calling, emailing, more calling, recruiting, organizing, more recruiting and more organizing. The last month has been insane with all things Children's Ministry. Only just this week do I feel somewhat settled and clicking into a rhythm. I'm still in need of a solid handful of volunteers, which is frustrating, but I have to remember that this thing is God's deal not mine.

On the home-front all is well. Faith is doing great with the transition into all-day everyday 1st Grade! She has an amazingly wonderful 1st-year teacher (who happened to be my sister's suite-mate at Calvin) who is enthusiastic about teaching AND has an obvious love for the Lord and for her kids! Faith was also lucky enough to get her "best good friends" in her section of 1st Grade. She loves reading and writing, and recently told me she's going to be an author when she grows up. She's already penned her first several books this week! I'm really surprised that Faith isn't more exhausted after a day at school . . . but as soon as she gets home and has her snack, she's either chomping at the bit to write a book or do homework! The kid LOVES homework. She's actually bummed when she doesn't have any. I know this will wear off eventually, but in the meantime, it's very sweet!

Faith has also enjoyed playing teacher to Bella (Bella also thinks this is great). They spend a lot of their together time making books, or playing school. I love seeing that!

Bella, is transitioning well too. It's weird for her having Faith (or as she says, Thaif) gone everyday. She's kind of at a loss for what to do now that her "social coordinator" is gone. She's getting the hang of it though, and has even figured out that she can play with Faith's things when she's gone and NOT get yelled at!

Every morning Bella asks, "Where are we going today, Mom?" She's devastated every time the answer is, "No-where, honey. We're staying home today!" She insists on doing something each day. She's a mover and a shaker people! No home-body here!

I've been really enjoying my alone time with Bella. I feel like I'm catching up on what I missed with her when I was busily trying to keep up with Faith's antics. Bella has always been such a good little girl . . . easy to "ignore" when big sister demanded so much of my time (and discipline). We now have time to read books - just the two of us, or paint with watercolors or play with playdough, or make cookies or banana bread. She's a joy to hang around with! I love our time together.

My time with Faith seems to be that much sweeter now too. We're not at each other's throats all day and exhausted by bed-time. She actually comes home happy . . . ready to chat about her day . . . she's snuggly with me . . . wants to read books and "talk" . . . she even told me the other day how much she missed me! I'm very much enjoying my time with my grown-up girl! I love her goofiness, her desire to "talk" about things that are important to her . . . and I'm especially loving her need for "Mommy-time". It just feels so good to be loved and needed by her . . . when the last several years have felt like a constant battle.

I'm so grateful to God for where this family is . . . we're in a good place. I feel settled, fulfilled, comfortable . . . just happy, content! God is good! I thank him everyday for my two beautiful gifts! OK, three, if you count Mike!

I'll try to be better about posting, now that we're in a rhythm here! If you're lucky, I might even post a picture or two!

Thanks for being patient with me!

TVSC - Boot Camp

T-shirts = $1400
Sports Equipment = $500
Hours of work to pull it together = 100's
Volunteers = 110
Kids = 289

# of kids who came to know Jesus as their Forever Friend = 32 = PRICELESS!

We're Gonna Go Back in Time!

Since I have a little catching up to do . . . I thought I'd start with what I WOULD HAVE blogged about had I actually taken the time!

Let's start with June 25th . . . ha ha ha! I'm such a loser - but here ya go.

On June 25th - in the midst of Sports Camp - Kent and Shelly came to pay us a little visit from good ole WA! Kent was only in town for a couple of days, so we enjoyed meeting up for brunch at one of my favorite little restaurants - The Sundance Grille.

We had a lot of fun catching up - and, of course - being crazy!

Tomorrow's Post: Sports Camp!

I'm Not Dead . . . Yet!

Hello faithful bloggers! From your not-so-faithful blogger!

I've been on a bit of a blog-cation so to speak - and I've been thoroughly enjoying it! After the craziness of Sports Camp, and dealing with a little girl with a broken arm in the prime of the summer, I was a bit exhausted.

Since then much has happened. So, I'll be taking the next few days to recap our summer fun!

Hoping your summer has been as great as ours!

Sonny

Plumb Tuckered Out!

I took Faith with me to work today! She's really done very well today considering that she just broke her arm less than 24 hours ago. Suddenly, it was very quiet in the other room . . . and this is what I found:



Sweet girl! She was up until almost midnight last night, and was awake after a fitful night of sleep at 8:30a. The arm that is broken holds the very thumb she still sucks for comfort. And since the cast is so straight due to the nature of her break, she can't get her precious thumb to her mouth. She's plumb tuckered out - and I can't say that I blame her!

Rest well, little one! I love you!

Baby Girl Didn't Bounce! Ouch!

Last night Faith broke her arm.

How did it happen you ask? . . . Wrestling with Daddy.

Daddy feels terrible . . . but Faith is doing fine!

Slip-N-Slide Fun!

Slip-N-Slide = $8.99 at Target
Girls laughing and having fun vs. bickering = PRICELESS!

Zoo Adventures!

A week or so ago, we went to the zoo with friends. The kids had a BLAST! It just goes to show that the simple things are the best things! Animals AND friends - what could be better?

Kindergarten Graduation!

Last week Friday, Faith had her Kindergarten Program. She had to dress as Honey Horse, one of their alphabet characters. The two Kindergarten classes combined to show us all that they had learned throughout the year: counting by 2's, letter sounds and their favorite words, Bible verses, beautiful songs etc. It was wonderful!

Faith was very nervous about getting up in front of a huge audience all by herself (to say her Honey Horse line), but she did wonderfully! It was so great to see her face beaming as she sang songs to the Lord, and to see the pride in her face after she said her lines.

I am so proud of Faith for her many accomplishments this year! She has grown so very much - both in height and in character. I am also very thankful for DCS and the Christian perspective she gets on everything she learns! God is Good!

Happy Birthday Mom!

Mom,
Thank you for your unconditional love.
Thank you for your loads of encouragement.
Thank you for being the best grandma around.
Thank you for babysitting at the drop of a hat.
Thank you for your love for the Lord.
Thank you for your example to follow.
Thank you for your prayers.
Thank you for being goofy and fun.
Thank you for being YOU!

I am so blessed to have you for a mom!

Happy Birthday!

My mom and Faith after Kindergarten Graduation.

Grey's = Two Thumbs Down!

Ok, I know my posts have been a little sparse lately . . . which is what is leading to the randomness of the current posts. There's been lots going on, and now I have the time to post, so here ya go:

My Rant:
This picture reminds me of better Grey's days . . . you know when Dr. Burk and the Mrs. Dr. Shepherd were on the show . . . before the weird story lines and gay kissing.

I realize that Grey's has never been a show that represents high moral standards. However, it WAS very well written, witty, funny, there was a good balance between the focus put on the relationships on the show, and the patients coming into Seattle Grace . . . but since the writer's strike - and, let's admit, this whole season has gone a little sketchy. The last three shows have shown gay kisses. A dying army dude and his lover, the two women doctors that are taunting McSteamy, and then the two women doctors again.

Come On!

I realize that the show was full of sexual permiscuousness and infidelity before . . . but, for me, the latest turn in the writing has turned me off of Grey's. ER did the same thing several years ago . . . it just wrecked a good show.

Any thoughts?